Tuesday, June 7, 2011

It was just any other normal menses delayed day. But i was kinda getting worried since it was delayed for more than 2 weeks which it never happened before. So i bought about 12 pregnancy strips from a online seller and tested in the toilet immediately. I got the shock of my life when i saw the results. Which as 2 line.

I immediately spoke to my husband about this and our decision? To have a abortion if baby doesnt have heartbeat. At first i wanted to keep the baby but i could feel myself drained more and more physically as i feel cold at the slightest temperature, falling sick more often and many more. Thus we reached this decision. Im rather Pro-life than Pro-choice, i would never support abortion for below 2 kids and most importantly, baby has heartbeat.

With the hard decision we made, I went alone to the clinic, paid the fees, sat down, try to hide my tears and wait for my turn. At the operation room, i started sobbing so bad as i didnt want to do it yet i could not handle another. The doctor seeing me so emotionally unstable he refused to do for me and tell me to come back tomorrow.(Thankgod for that)

The next day, husband went with me to the clinic. The nurses who are ever so friendly, let us watched the abortion procedures video, at that time, my husband started to change his mind slightly saying that it looks very dangerous. And while waiting for our turn, he changed his mind and decided to keep the baby. As i told him, he must want this baby else there is no point of i keep the baby, he will keep blaming me. And since baby has no heartbeat yet, cannot drag, I will not terminate the pregnancy is baby has heartbeat.

So we kept the baby. And now i can offically announce this #3 pregnancy. On a slightly interesting note, my husband dreamt of his late mum on the night before he accompany me to the doctor. And he remembered that his mum terminated her pregnancy due to her cancer treatment, she also told him to pray for the baby.Which he believed to be a sign to keep our child

Thankyou mummy for hinting to him and giving him a sign to keep and love his child. i hope you are doing great in heaven. Thankyou so much. Actually the main consideration that forced me up the wall was to handle all three kids alone. Right now its just me me and more me. im alone doing everything that is taking a toll on my health. I just hope that this will turn out well.


Baby #3 is now 5wks+ no heartbeat yet. Ironically i was worried about baby having heartbeat at first now im worried of baby no heartbeat. I will love you with all my life.